i wish my room was cleaner and i wish i packed everything.<br>
i want to tell my mom and sister how much i love them but i don't want to forget to tell my aunt, my uncle, my brother, my dad, my cousins how much i love them too<br>
i want to hurt the people who have caused me pain<br>
but more importantly i want the need to cause me pain to end<br>
<br>
my favorite memories are watching the sunset with my brother<br>
staying up late to watch sailor moon with my aunt <br>
cutting my sisters hair<br>
using my grandmas foundation stick as lipstick as a child<br>
and then denying that i wasn't playing with her makeup, even with the evidence on my face<br>
<br>
people that i loved and spent time with have made it clear that they don't care if i died<br>
that's painful<br>
<br>
no matter the inner self work i still pick fights with my lovers<br>
it feels like i cant out run my predisposition<br>
my vulnerablities to illness<br>